


Campfire and Comfort

by FeralScribe



Series: Widomauk Week 2019 Prompts [13]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Ashes, Comfort, Don’t copy to another site, Fireside conversations, M/M, Other, Widomauk Week, caleb's backstory, falling asleep together, widomauk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-11
Updated: 2019-06-11
Packaged: 2020-04-24 10:20:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19171306
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FeralScribe/pseuds/FeralScribe
Summary: Molly and Caleb talk about Caleb's past, present, and future(In the same timeline asReminders of Glaives and Scalpels)





	Campfire and Comfort

Molly watches the smoke from their little fire pass through the roof of the dome unhindered. There had been some concern about lighting one in here in case the smoke couldn’t get out or in case the firelight could. Caleb’s magic continues to amaze, and not only is the dome perfectly ventilated, but the exterior is the same color as the grass around them so their shelter appears to be an oddly perfect hillock from a distance. The nights grow ever colder in the Empire, and everyone was grateful to fall asleep with a bit of added warmth nearby.

Caleb is still awake as well though, keeping watch with Molly. He reads the book in his lap for a few minutes at a time, then lifts his head to scan for danger, then goes back to the book, then back on alert, and repeats the cycle with his usual punctuality. He’s going through the motions. He has been doing that a lot ever since he told the group about his past. It’s as though keeping it a secret was the only thing holding him together, and once he let it out he’s barely functional.

It was Caleb’s trip to the tower in Nicodranas that led him to being honest at last. Beau and Caduceus had worked so hard to get him an audience with the mage who lived there. Rather than get excited the way everyone thought he would, Caleb seemed terrified. Molly spoke to him that night, after Caleb had had a private chat with the mage. Caleb had paced anxiously around the room, dodging questions and making vague statements of frustration before finally he collapsed on the bed next to Molly and told him everything, head in his hands the whole time. Molly convinced him to tell the others an abridged version so they could at least understand why they shouldn’t put him in that kind of situation in the future.

A few days had passed since then and Caleb had been acting hollow the whole time. Molly can read the signs. Caleb is locking himself up in his head to avoid everyone else. The problem is that Molly knows what a shitty place that can be and he wants to get Caleb out of there. He wants to help him. He wants him to be okay.

“Caleb?”

“Hm.” Caleb continues his routine of reading, watching, reading, watching.

Molly nibbles his lip. “I’m worried about you.” Best to be blunt. Caleb needs people to be blunt with him sometimes.

Caleb looks up from his book long enough to say, “I am fine, Mollymauk.” Then he goes back to reading.

“You’re not though. You can’t bullshit a bullshitter. You’re not an absolute wreck but you’re not doing well either.”

Silence.

Molly sighs. “Look, we know about you now. It’s a big deal for you, I get it. And no, we didn’t immediately kick you out of the group, but I get the feeling you were hoping we would.”

Caleb’s eyes stop. His expression goes blank for a moment. He marks his place in his book then closes it. “I did not want you to kick me out of the group,” he says.

“Then why are you acting like you don’t want to be here anymore?”

“Because.” Caleb rubs his book between his hands. “Because now you all know what I have at my back and the danger it could pose to the group if certain people recognize me. I _like_ this group. You are all fucking insane, but I spent a decade in an asylum and at least you all are fun to be around. I don’t want any of you to die because of me.”

Molly’s first reaction is to tell Caleb he’s wrong and that no one is going to die — again. However, being blunt doesn’t mean he needs to be harsh as well. He sits and ponders how to say this gently. “You underestimate how much we all care about you, Caleb. Especially now that we know what you’ve been through. They don’t even know as much as I do and I can tell you they’re more worried about whether you’re keeping it together for your own sake than they are about who might come after you. We can handle them. We’ll keep you safe, just like you would do for any of us. If anything I admire you more now than I did before, even though there’s one thing I don’t understand.”

Caleb frowns. “And what is that?”

“Well, seems like so much of your trauma has to do with your fire magic, and there are some times when you break down after you use it, but you _keep_ using it. Why? You’re so smart. You could master every other form of magic and never have to summon so much as a spark ever again.”

“It’s not the fire that bothers me,” Caleb says. He shakes his head. “ _Nein_. I have always had a knack for it, even before I was chosen for the Academy. It’s my actions that disgust me.” He puts a fresh log on their campfire, poking the blackened wood out of the way. “Fire is a tool,” he says. “Much like a blade that you can use to fell trees or people, cut vegetables or throats, carve a piece of art from a block of wood or a heart from someone’s chest. Fire is a good thing, in the right hands.”

“You’ve got good hands,” Molly says.

Caleb looks down at those hands. “They have done terrible things…”

Molly leans over to examine them as well. “They’ve done spectacular things too.”

“They have hurt people. _Many_ people. Some who deserved it and…and plenty who did not.” Caleb clenches his hands into fists. “When I was younger I thought I knew the difference, but I was wrong.”

Molly shrugs. “Yeah, well, most people are wrong about shit when they’re young.” He grins. “Look at me. I’m not even three years old. I don’t know anything, compared to you.”

Caleb chuckles. “Yes you do. You are remarkably perceptive, Mollymauk. That is why I trust you.”

“I’m glad you do. I trust you too.”

“Heh. Perhaps you shouldn’t.” Caleb stokes the fire, encouraging the new log to burn. He traces a quick shape in the ashes then rubs the fine grey powder between his fingertips. “The problem is you never know what a person is really like, whether they’re good or bad or simply trying to get by, and there’s no sure way to tell the difference when you meet them on the battlefield. The innocent and the wicked bleed and burn the same. If you gathered the ashes of everyone I have ever killed, it would be impossible to tell them apart, to tell which ones deserved it.”

Molly waits for Caleb to continue, but Caleb just stares silently at the fire. “Well, that’s why you have to know what you’re getting into _before_ you go onto the battlefield,” Molly says. “And if you find yourself there by accident, you should air on the side of mercy. If you’re right, you’ve spared an innocent life. If you’re wrong, they’ll kill you and then you don’t have to worry about it.”

Caleb hangs his head. “I am too much of a coward to die.” He chuckles sadly. “Look at you. You died protecting us. You were very brave. I? I stand as far away from the fight as I can. Even then I can’t keep myself safe and one of you has to come rescue me.” He sighs. “Some days I feel like a terrible burden to this team.”

“You’re not.” Molly moves to sit beside Caleb. He doesn’t put his arm around Caleb’s shoulders, as much as he would like to. He curls his tail close to Caleb instead and lets his presence do the rest. “You’re worth rescuing, because you’ve rescued the rest of us plenty of times. Without you, we would never know what the fuck our magic items do unless we found out by accident, and none of us would get any of your boosts during fights, and Avantika would have fucking _murdered_ us if it weren’t for that wall of fire you summoned.” Molly gestures to the dome around them. “We wouldn’t even have a safe place to sleep most of the time without you.”

That puts a little smile on Caleb’s face, just a tiny one but it’s there.

Molly scoops up a palmful of ashes. “These could have been somebody. You can’t tell the difference between a person’s ashes and a campfire’s ashes either. Ashes are ashes and people are people, and people die, Caleb. That’s just how it is. Some of them die too early and some die after they’ve had too much time to do harmful things. There will be days when you’re in the right place at the right time to make the right choice, and other days you’ll make the wrong choice, and other days you’ll get there too late and the opportunity will have passed. It would be nice if everything lined up so we could never make mistakes, but no one is perfect, certainly no one in this group anyway. Caduceus might be the closest of all of us, but maybe I just think that because I know the least about him.”

Caleb smiles a bit wider. “Seems he lived a very sheltered life. I don’t think he had many chances to make such big mistakes.”

“Well, he’s out here with us now, so he’s bound to make a few. That doesn’t make him a bad person. He just doesn’t know better yet. Like you _didn’t_ back then. But you learned the hard way, and you’re gonna be alright.” Molly inches his tail closer to Caleb. “Would you like a hug?”

There’s the usual moment of silence while Caleb thinks over Molly’s offer. “That would be nice, thank you.”

Molly scoots right up to Caleb and puts one arm around him in a half-hug. He drapes his tail over Caleb’s lap as well. “You’re gonna be alright,” he repeats. “I’ll let you know if you’re doing something stupid.”

“ _Danke_.” Caleb leans his head on Molly’s shoulder. “You are very good to me, Mollymauk. I— I may not be good at expressing it, but I am grateful for you. I think I am better because of you.”

“Thank you. I think I’ve learned a thing or two from you as well.” Like patience. Usually Molly prefers instant gratification when he wants something, but he has wanted Caleb for a long time and he’s willing to wait as long as it takes for Caleb to feel something similar. Could be they’ll never be as close as Molly would like. Caleb is getting better about physical contact, though. That’s something.

Caleb doesn’t pull away like he would have by now. If anything he’s relaxing into Molly, settling into a comfortable position. Molly curls his tail tighter around Caleb’s waist. Caleb makes no remarks on it. Molly smiles.

They sit there together for a little while, watching the fire. Molly rubs his hand up and down Caleb’s arm tenderly. He’s also keeping an ear out for danger, but he prays to the Moonweaver to keep their shelter hidden so he and Caleb can have this moment for as long as possible. It’s so nice. They needed this. Their time on the sea was rough, and they’re heading back into a country at war. Molly will take any peaceful delight he can, especially ones like this.

“Molly?” Caleb says quietly. He puts his hand on Molly’s thigh. Molly’s tail tip twitches.

“Yes, darling?”

“How are _you_ doing?”

“I’m alright.”

“Do you… Does your scar still hurt when you wake up sometimes?”

Molly wrinkles his nose. “Sometimes.”

“Would it help if—” Caleb withdraws his hand. “Er, never mind.”

“No wait, what were you going to say?”

Caleb fiddles with a button on his coat. “I wanted to know if you thought waking up next to someone who knows what you’re going through would help.”

Molly’s heart crashes into his ribs as though it’s trying to break out and hear Caleb say that for itself. “Well, you’re never far away if I need you.”

“I know, but…but I mean…”

Molly kisses the top of Caleb’s head. “Are you asking me to share a bedroll with you, Mister Caleb?”

“I— I— _Scheiße_ …” Caleb tries to shuffle out of Molly’s embrace. “Forget I said anything.”

Molly pulls him back in. “Because I would be happy to wake up next to you, regardless of what kind of dreams I’ve been having.”

Caleb struggles half-heartedly then relaxes back into Molly’s shoulder. “ _Ja?_ ”

“Mhm. Do you think it would help you if _you_ were the one having the nightmares?” Molly suspects this is why Caleb brought it up. He's not ready to ask for things like that yet, but he's willing to offer them.

“I…I suppose we could find out.”

Molly grins. “I’d like that.”

An hour or so later they wake up Beau and Fjord for their turn on watch. Molly gives them both stern looks as he positions his bedroll next to Caleb’s and combines them into one larger sleeping space for the two of them. Caleb is on edge about this as it is and he doesn't need any snarky remarks from either of them to make him feel more awkward. Beau simply smirks and Fjord just looks confused. Caleb keeps his head down the whole time. Molly pats him comfortingly with his tail. They don’t cuddle up, but they’re close enough to be within reach if the other needs them. Molly falls asleep to the scent of Caleb and fresh ashes at his side, a contented smile on his face.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Please leaves kudos and comments, and if you want to support my work even more you can find me on Ko-fi under the same name!


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